Monday, March 14, 2011

finding joy in times of trouble

There is so much sadness and struggle in the world right now. Earthquakes and tsunamis, uprisings and a constant question of stability. Personal pain, personal struggle seems to be everywhere as well.

It's incredibly easy to want to give up, to give in to hopelessness. To go further and feel that small things such as worries about the way we look, or other theoretically "shallow" concerns mean that we are at heart, pitiful and ultimately shallow beings.

As I sit here, I am waiting for my baby to die. A month ago, at twenty-four weeks of pregnancy the baby was diagnosed with severe growth restriction. I was given no hope by the perinatologist that the baby would ever grow to a size that, even should I choose every heroic measure available to us in Western medicine, would never survive labor.

A month of waiting is very hard.

Even so, even in the midst of this sadness, this terrible experience, I have love. And I work to find beauty and inspiration in the actions of those around me. And above all my heart opens with compassion to the daily hurts and struggles of those around me. I don't find the pain that others experience shallow. Instead, I try to hold them in my heart, as I hold my baby in my heart, as I hold the whole of Japan in my heart. I wish for healing and beauty and joy in this world. For me and everyone else.

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